The Sun Sets on The Cyclopan Empire

The Sun Sets on The Cyclopan Empire

Today is a day that will live in infamy. I'm sad to report that our foe was far too great for the Cyclopan Empire. I took a trip through the nether to examine what lay beyond its purple, shimmery lusty exterior. What I found horrified me...

Fountains of lava, towers of dark stone, and DONKEYS. Yes, the most sinful creature of them all dwells just beyond the purple door. I cannot compete with the likes of these monsters, yet...

While our church has been bombarded, exploded, and pilfered, we will not go down without a fight. While the end of our current empire may be near, we will rise from the ashes, stronger. I leave now in search of solitude where I will plot my revenge against the evil which festers at the heart of our realm. 

Maybe I'll settle somewhere in the mountains. Rest assured I will be back. I will be back.

Ashton, Ex-High Priestess of the Church of Cyclopa, Current Master of Yeti Handling at the Mountain Church of Cyclopa Which Does Not Exist. 

There's A Thief in Our Midst

There's A Thief in Our Midst

I am sad to say that today must start on a somber and vengeful note. As I logged onto the server for our Friday service, I noticed a disturbing disappearance!

Did you see it?! THE DONATION BOX HAS BEEN STOLEN! The door to the secret passage (which doesn't exist) was left ajar, and the church's goods pilfered. There was only one way for us to respond.

The temple's exterior has been revamped, and the entryway has been set on fire...

Impressive no? Through connections to the great spirit realm of The Cyclops (The Nether) I have obtained blocks that will never stop burning! I will erect a windmill of corpses to commemorate this failure! Until that point, I have constructed a room for the thief, when we catch him. 

That's right thief! You will bathe in lava! Any information on the thief will be met with much gold. Please leave any anonymous tips at the church, and our great inquisition squad will follow on any leads.

Until next time, The Cyclops plays a bass guitar made of thief entrails...

--Ashton, Wizard of the Inquisition Squad of Death and Righteous Justice

Updating From the Outside In

Updating From the Outside In

As many of you may have noted (The Cyclops will know if you didn't), a new church has been erected near our glorious valley. Rather than pollute your fragile and innocent minds with images of its salacious indecency, I will show you what we are doing about it. In order to compete with these sinners, thieves, and charletons, I have built a temple to honor our one true lord and savior, The Cyclops. 

Yes, it's a complete re-work of our traditionally modest culture, but I think you'll find the inside to be tastefully bland.

I've already begun construction on an underwater room for scripture, as well as squid viewing (unrelated, but equally important), and we have plans to include a secret pit(which does not exist already behind a recessed trap door in the church) into which we will toss the unholy abominations that oppose us. 

I have also constructed a much larger idol to remind all those in the uneducated plains region that The Cyclops is always watching, and that he demands tribute. Our funds are running quite low, and we need all the help we can get. How will I ever build the golden Cyclops if not with the help of unsuspecting simpletons?

 Until next time, put all of your prized belongings in the box and no one will get hurt. --Book of Cyclopa 24:29

--Ashton, Maester of the Holy as Well as Matters Related to Pit Construction

Obelisks, to Welcome the Lost

Obelisks, to Welcome the Lost

I realize it has been a few days since my last post. Fear not! We are still working to build a better Cyclopa, and that road starts with the elimination of public enemy number one. Who is this ne'er-do-well you ask? I am referring of course to the mobile, explosive, pickle man.

I spotted him just outside the church gardens. Rest assured that he was dealt with and given the burial he deserved (a long drop into a pit for sinners that definitely doesn't exist (YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!)). 

In response to so many attacks I decided that it was time for a visible and firm reminder that we are strong, and what better way to say that than a glorious obelisk to watch over the land?

The great obelisk to commemorate The Cyclops's unending power was erected, and given friendly wooden signs to attract strangers!

 In short, the church of Cyclopa is ever expanding, and ever closer to reaching our ultimate goal (throwing the server owner into a pit as a sacrifice to the one true cyclops...). Today I leave you with a beautiful picture of our valley, and a reminder: The Cyclops sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...

--Ashton (The Fearless Leader of Cult and Sacrificial Pit Construction)

Infidels, A Silent Threat

Infidels, A Silent Threat  

On this day in the beautiful realm of Cyclopa I awoke to a pleasant surprise. While the donation box had been filled with an excess of zombie flesh (we'll see where that tomfoolery gets you on The Cyclopes's judgement day), it had also been graced with generous gifts from our most revered supporters!

Potatoes, an original music piece, and gold, the precious...

However, I am sad to say that these donations may have only been a diversion. A new threat has arisen in our peaceful valley, and while the righteous such as myself seek only enlightment and to spread the glorious monocular word to the masses, infidels threaten to destroy that dream. Luckily I was out of the church at the time (most certainly not working on a passage to a hole where future sinners shall be thrown). 

Our church had been decimated by an improvised explosive device hidden in what appeared to be a semi-sentient, mobile pickle. Rest assured that those responsible  were dealt with, and laid to rest in a public fashion, to serve as a reminder to all.

The Graves of the Sinners stands just behind the pulpit of the church, so that it may be seen during sermons

I am confident that this threat has been neutralized, but we will have to remain ever vigilant. Until next time.

The Cyclops is watching you right now...

--Ashton, The Exalted Grand Sorcerer of Truth

Idols, Donations, and Unwise Zealotry

Idols, Donations, and Unwise Zealotry

On the second day I was disappointed to find that flocks of the unenlightened had not begun to congregate at the church, but the cyclops works in mysterious ways, we must allow it to test our faith. In any case, we received our first donation from someone who apparently does not understand the meaning of generous...

In the donation box were five pieces of zombie flesh, I mean don't get me wrong, I ate them, and they were delicious (the icon looked like smoked salmon, I feel fine! Brains?), but this is not what the church had in mind. If we are to continue to expand we need offerings of gold, silver, and if it's going to be flesh, make it that of the innocent (tastes less like zombie).

Seeing that these paltry donations were the only thing the church was receiving, I took matters into my own hands. Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of the unrighteous like river idols right?!

Over the next few days I will continue to erect more of these homages to our wise and supreme lord, to ensure that his presence is well known throughout the land. 

"The Cyclops rewards the generous. The Book of Cyclops 13:1"

Each idol will have  small donation box, bearing inscriptions from the holy text of The Book of Cyclops. As soon as we get the red stone donations we need we will be hosting our first annual telethon as well!

 Until next time, remember: The Almighty Cyclops does not need binocular vision to see sin...

--Grand High Master Archon of The Church, Ashton

A view of the valley of Cyclopa

Birth of A Cult

Birth of  A Cult

With Minecraft being bought by Microsoft, there isn't a better time to start blogging about it. Here's what I've done. My friend bought a realm yesterday and has invited about 15 people. Realms, for those unfamiliar with them, are essentially dedicated servers that can be purchased for a monthly fee (a newer feature). Over the course of the next few weeks I intend to start a cult on this server.

As with all Cults, I needed to start with a church.

I have begun my religion in a small, unassuming valley, just East of our spawn. The church had to be large enough to be seen from spawn, and fancy enough to attract wealthy patrons (or children with small attention spans).

Second, I needed to pick a deity...

And naturally, that deity is The Almighty Cyclops. I wanted a falcon, but as it turns out, building idols shaped like falcons is a lot harder than miniature cyclopses (Cyclopsees? What in the hell is the plural of cyclops?).

Thirdly, I needed to start taking resources from other players. To best accomplish this I thought pews and a donation box would serve. Now I just have to find some patrons for my church.

This is just the beginning, I will continue to update with more pictures and tales as the server begins to fill up. The Church of Cyclops is well on its way to becoming a super power, now all that's left to do is wait... and build hundreds of creepy idols throughout the valley....

More to come!

--Ashton, High Priest of the Church of Cyclops